A year has passed since writing my previous blog on Being Well. Looking back, I’ve accomplished a great deal since then, and all is well.
Armed with my recent experiences, I was full of confidence that I could face pretty much anything. This was strengthened that summer by being made an Honorary Professor in BIO and a Fellow of the Royal Society of Biology. Our labrador puppy, Stella, was full of enthusiasm, which was infectious. The new academic year had started well. There were lots of new initiatives and reviews going on. Despite the workload building up, tasks were being completed on time.
Oh, there is some detail I missed out. The workload built up to a point where I was working 10-hour days, five days a week, plus a half-day most Sundays. The training of the new puppy was hard, particularly since Stella was prone to scavenging disgusting things on walks and getting ill. The vet bills put extra financial pressure on a salary that had been going down in real terms over the last decade. And Brexit was a worry both professionals and personally. Within a few weeks at the start of 2019, my youngest daughter had an injury that became infected; my eldest daughter was hit on the way to school by a load slipping off a lorry; the heating broke down at home; there was a fire in the building in which I work; a car was completely burned out ten doors down our street in a feud between drug dealers; I aggravated an old back injury while gardening; and I developed a new age-related health issue.
I saw threats from everywhere. The resulting anxiety resulted in sever insomnia, which rapidly landed me back in a state of depression. Despite seeing potential warning signs in the autumn, I hesitated to seek help, thinking things would soon improve spontaneously. However, the events of the early New Year were unforeseeable. Only after going over the edge did I reach out at work and to a therapist.
My experience the second time around was remarkably like the first, except that I did not take antidepressants. Recovery took just as long, despite what I had learned. Time is therefore part of the healing process that cannot be rushed. It is now clear that I was burnt out and unable to cope with the unexpected challenges of the New Year.
What have I learned this second time? Like a back injury, the wrong move can flare things up again. However, if one can recover once, one can do it again. Moving forwards, one’s workload must be sustainable. Short-term stress is fine, but when days and weeks turn to months of pressure, this is not good. Seek help early to stay resilient. The irony is that I advise others to do this - but I now know how hard it is to judge this correctly. With my therapist’s guidance, I’ve understood better how one’s thoughts can all too easily become self-critical. I’ve also better understood how one’s catastrophising can tap into one’s deepest fears, bypassing the most robust logic. I’ve been very open with my colleagues about my mental health issues, unlike the first time around. Do I regret it? No. My colleagues have been very supportive. In fact, I should have asked for help when the workload was starting to get out of control. I’ve recently trimmed some of my responsibilities with the support of management, and this has helped enormously. Social isolation at work is something to avoid. I therefore take every opportunity to spend time with colleagues at work. For example, lunch alone at one’s desk is not recommended, as indeed a PhD student kindly pointed out to me recently.
My daughters thankfully recovered from their injuries. There have been no more fires, the heating is working and my physical health is better. We taught Stella to wear a muzzle, so no more scavenging and illness. And Brexit – well, the less said about that the better. Also, I am very grateful for the unwavering support my wife has given me throughout. I have indeed accomplished a great deal in the last year, and all is well - again.
With over twenty years of research into plant and microbial enzymes of relevance to health and agriculture, Steph Bornemann is the Postgraduate Research Director at the John Innes Centre.
